From Me To We:
visions from a psychic, and my whispered prayers for a new era
When I was trying to get pregnant, I sat outside one morning on my deck in my bra, holding my belly, making a prayer/promise to the Universe that I was ready for a new era in my life. ✨
This was in our island house. It was a beautiful morning in late August - sun shining on my face, glistening water in front of me as I whispered spells of welcoming in a baby soul and promising myself, and whoever was listening, that I was ready.
Little did I know in that moment that those whispers held much more promise in them than just ‘ready to become a mother’…
and that I would have to respond to the call.
My mom once met with a psychic who had been recommended to her, and this woman went into detail about my mom’s past life connections to everyone in our family, except for me.
According to her vision, my mom had spent lifetimes trying to burn through karma with everyone else in our family, but said “Sabrina is new to all of you. She was just ready to come here, she has her own reason and purpose for being on earth right now.”
My mom laughed as she told me this later that day over coffee and snacks, and I remember her saying “that makes complete sense.” We laughed together because we knew it to be true.
I’ve always been independent in a certain way, not really needing or asking for much from my family growing up, in terms of support. It was well understood that once we were 18 and out of the house, we were very much “on our own”. Some of this because my mom worked retail and didn’t have much resource to give, and the other because I was raised by an ex-Marine police officer stepfather, and they really drill those kind of ideals into them, from what I could tell. (You’re 18, you’re an “adult”, you can go fight in wars for us now, it’s time for you to figure life out, you got this from here.)
In many ways this has served me (strong, capable, can figure it out)… and in a few, it has really held me back (doing the most just to get by, over-working, staying in survival mode).
And of course, becoming a mother myself has asked me to look at all of it.
I didn’t know that when I was whispering promises of a new era that day in the sun, that I was really whispering promises of pivoting from ‘Me’ to ‘We’.
Promising to put down my shield of hyper-independence, and inner beliefs that I always know best. That I can do it alone. That I will figure it out, all by myself.
Promising to put my ego aside, day after day, in order to pivot myself towards what is best for my daughter, my husband, and our family.
And promising to act on my own divine assignment in this lifetime.
I had a reading a few months ago with my friend Izzy, who is a gifted channeler and astrologer, and I basically was like “PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT MY CAREER AND WHAT I SHOULD DO FROM HERE” - (because having a clear vision, but not actually bringing it out and to life has always been a challenge area for me, even though I thrive at doing this for other people) - and one of the things she recommended, as deeper homework, was diving into my birth chart, especially my north node.
Natalia Benson explains the north node as your soul’s mountain - it’s essentially the mountain you want to climb during your lifetime BUT it will be challenging, because your soul has never mastered this path before.
Of course, I immediately pulled up my chart and discovered that my north node is in Aries. 🔥 It was like a huge pivotal puzzle piece clicked into place 🔥
A quick google search suggests that one of the biggest opportunities for growth in having a north node in Aries means becoming my own initiator and taking action on my creative ideas and impulses, all on my own. Without external validation, or any evidence that I’m going down the right path. But doing it just because I have the idea, and I trust my ideas.
When I read that, I thought “omg this is it”.
This is what I was promising that day as I whispered my spells into the sun… asking for a new era to enter my life.
Not only for motherhood, but to rise to the challenge of my north node, my north star in this lifetime.
Because motherhood has given me the space to actually sit with my ideas and let them bubble to the surface, and my husband has given me the opportunity to bring it all to life.
And then I knew, it’s time to put away the external-validation-seeking for the moment, and just get to the action, simply because I trust myself, and I see where this is going, and I know that I can make it all happen.
I’m continuing to work on this every day. Feeling myself trying to pull back into - I need to know if this is going to work out before I do it -
noticing when that old pattern comes up, and realigning with - just do it, YOU know this is what you’re supposed to do.
✨ Responding to my divine assignment. ✨
Because following through on my ideas isn’t just about me anymore, it’s about the whole system of my life. It’s about my family.
Becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be isn’t just about me pursuing my goals anymore, it’s also about showing my daughter what’s possible.
From Me to We.
It’s challenging to rise to the occasion of the thing your soul wants to master, but doesn’t yet know how to do. But it’s a path I’m not shying away from.
That whisper of promise - my initiation - is one I would never take back now. For me, for we, it’s one I intend to follow through on, again and again and again.
When you ask for a new era, when you whisper spells into the sun, when you call upon all who is listening to grant you your wish, make sure you are prepared to answer the call. Be ready to step up to your own divine assignment, however comfortable, or most likely not, and fulfill whatever it is you are meant to fulfill with your love.
(The psychic also told my mom she wouldn’t “really” be a grandmother. My brother and I laugh about that now because between the three of us, there are six grandkids… although my mom hasn’t been here to meet all of them and be their grandmother on the earth plane.
I do sometimes wonder what version of reality she was seeing into, after all.)